Dating app fatigue is not just about the apps

01 · The transaction

Why city socialising can start to feel like shopping

Apps are useful at one thing: introducing people who might never otherwise meet. The difficulty begins when the browsing mindset follows them into the meeting itself.

A profile presents a small amount of information and asks for a decision. Speed dating does something similar in person. A timer replaces the swipe, but the basic task remains: decide whether this stranger should progress.

That structure creates plenty of introductions. It can also make any single interaction feel provisional. There is always another profile, another round or another event.

02 · The emotional toll

The tiring part is repeated assessment

Matching, messaging and arranging a date all require effort before two people know whether they enjoy one another’s company. When the meeting goes nowhere, that effort starts again from the beginning.

Neither person has done anything wrong. They simply met with very little shared context and a strong expectation that chemistry should be obvious straight away.

A first conversation carries too much weight

Some people know quickly. Others become interesting through familiarity. A system built around first impressions naturally favours the first group and gives the second less room.

Singles events can repeat this problem offline. Meeting twenty people is not the same as spending useful time with any of them.

More introductions create more chances to meet. They do not tell us what happens once two people are in the same room.

03 · Change the question

Change what people are there to do

A shared task moves the decision out of the opening minute. In a debate, people have an argument to consider. In a team challenge, they have to cooperate. In a recurring group, nobody has to reach a verdict that evening.

None of these formats guarantees attraction or a second date. They simply give people more to notice than a short introduction and a rehearsed answer.

London already has enough introductions

The open question is what should happen after the introduction. Which settings allow someone to change their mind? Which make listening visible? Which give a quieter person time to join in?

The Dalloway Project is testing those questions. It has not proved the answer.

04 · Take a position

Have dating apps made loneliness worse?

That is the motion for Grounds for Discussion, a free public debate for singles at Speakers’ Corner in Hyde Park on Saturday 21 November 2026.

You can argue yes, argue no or listen before deciding where you stand. Speaking is optional. The crowd decides the verdict.

This is one test. We want to find out whether discussing a subject gives strangers a better starting point than assessing one another directly.

Read the event details and register interest.